Friday, December 7, 2012

An Excerpt of a Short Story: Working Title: Clock Tower Photograph (A very Rough Draft)


Caroline was the next victim of the picture. When time finally caught up to Jake, reality fell like a hard swung hammer on a thick anvil. There was the rush of sounds—normal sounds, birds chirping, wind rustling the thin leaves of the tall oak in the yard, the distant rumble of a tractor, the kitchen sounds pouring over from inside the house and then the sudden slamming thunderous commotion of the back door.
Caroline had been frozen too.
First Caroline’s jaw stayed shut, like wires had bound it tight together. Then everything came loose. Everything. Her jaw dropped, swung limply, her shoulders slumped, her body bent, and just before she fell to her feet as it looked she would, she sprung. It was an altogether beautifully ugly motion as she pounced on the picture and where Oliver had been before.
There was a sound like the lonely wail of wind on the top of hills during winter. It may not have been a word she said, but Jake always remembered it as one. A long and continuous wailing, “No!”
She snatched up the fallen picture and cradled it as if it were the boy himself. What must have been going through her mind was anyone’s guess, predicting anyone’s reaction to seeing such a completely otherworldly event is next to impossible. She cried long and hard, her whole body shivering with the lonely pain of unacceptance. And yet, she seemed perfectly expecting of the entire event, as if she had been cursed once before to face the loss of some great thing that had meant more than life to her.
Jake made steps toward her then, his acceptance far less than perfect. He was still trying to sort through what he had just saw, one hand reached out for Caroline, his long calloused fingers just barely touching the feather soft frizz of her hair before it happened again.
First the sound, then the colors of the picture swirled and leapt out on her milky white flesh and grabbed her. Jake jerked his hand back, sudden terror seizing him, he was completely within the means to offer help—what help there was for such a situation as this—and yet he knew only crippling fear for himself.
She was tugged at first, like a fish caught on a hook, testing the fisherman. She bobbed and weaved first toward the picture then away. Her head turned toward Jake, and in the sea of her eyes he saw the mirror images of all that came before humanity in that long ago endless night of the starless void that once was, a deep and primeval loneliness. And then she was gone, first in bites as the picture pulled her in, and then grand whole parts of her body vanished into the tiny photograph. The last of her to go was the frizzy tips of her long hair that he had just barely touched mere moments ago.
What had he done to deserve such hell?

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

I Am Made of a Trillion Dreams


I am made of a trillion dreams
Carefully sewn together and held by hope
I am a patchwork of possibility
Each tiny thread a symmetry of chance and desire

I am carefully sewn together and held by hope
I am the far off universe’s close up reflection
Each tiny thread a symmetry of chaos and possibility
I am the dust matter of the long burned out stars of ago

The far off Universe’s close up reflection can be seen in me
I am the song of barely whispered wishes on a soft evening wind
A phoenix from the flame of the big bang rising up from the ash
I am the echo of creation and siren song of the end eternal now

But one song of a barely whispered wish on a puff of cool air
I am the multitude of tears shed for hopes never fulfilled
And the reverberation of dreams with sleepy eyes opening again
I am both the pain and pleasure of the always present now

I am the multitude of tears shed for hopes never fulfilled
The quiet sigh of satisfaction at another goal accomplished
I am the pain of passing moments the pleasure of what simply is
A knot of flesh barely containing a soul of eternity

I am the quiet sigh of satisfaction the grin of accomplishment
I am the sum of silences from before my birth and after my death
I am a blanket of flesh barely holding back the next big bang
I am made of a trillion dreams


Monday, November 12, 2012

She Is My Sister the Photographer


With a thousand cameras she took only one picture
She danced with the glimmering beams of light from the moon
And talked politics and love and laughter with a moose head
She took only one picture, the picture of her life

She danced with the glimmering beams of light from the moon
She writes sonnets in pictures of an ocean I’ve never seen
She took only one picture, the picture of her life
Only in her photographs have I seen her world

She writes sonnets in pictures of an ocean I’ve never seen
She is eyes always watching, life always hungry
With a thousand cameras she has shown me her only picture
The one still life black and white colorful story

She is eyes always watching, life always hungry
Dancing with pizza in one hand and camera not up to task
She is the freezing force of holding moments captive in time
She is the frame waiting for the right photograph to accent

Dancing with pizza in one hand and camera not up to task
She is the laughing jovial face behind the lens
She is the right shade the picture calls to be painted in
She is the raw moment happening all around us

She is the laughing jovial face behind the lens
Ever watching, finger at the trigger, photo waiting to happen
She is the keeper of the eternal now
With a thousand cameras she took only one picture

Friday, November 2, 2012

Just One Feather On My Pillow


Just one feather on my pillow
That’s all it took to pull me in
Just one feather on an otherwise flat bed
That’s all it took to hear the call

That’s all it took to pull me in
The commanding caw of the oil black crow
That’s all it took to follow that song
Haunting deeper than bone and marrow

The commanding caw of the oil black crow
Came calling calling calling in my ever deep sleep
Haunting in the endless deep soul
Leaving the black blot stain of ink behind

Came the calling calling calling in my deep sleep
She my muse whispers to me
Tattooing the thin skin of my passion
Deep ancient goddess she

She my muse that whispers to me
Pulling me deeper in and farther on
Oh deity before gods inspiring the hand of poets
Lady chaos bringing order

Pulling me and beckoning me ever deeper
To the hungry hands of the poem write
Madam midnight of the endless abyss bringing inspiration
Open your wings and set to flight

To the hungry hands of the poem write
Upon the papyrus of my history inscribe
Open your wings to carry me o’er the endless sea
My soul cries out, “Feed me!”

Upon the papyrus of my history inscribe
That I will not to that faceless fire go
My soul so hungry, feed
Awake in me the deeper passion still

That I will not to that faceless fire go
Old crow what story do you know
Awake in me the deeper lust for life
Just one feather on my pillow

---
Dedicated to:
Edgar and Lucinda

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

How Much Can Change On So Little a Plot of Land?

How much can change on so little a plot of land?
Where my grandparents called home
My childhood lingers in that place’s memory
Waiting for me

Where my Grandparents called home
They lived there and died there
Haunting me
Their ghosts I welcome as I miss them so

They lived there and died there
They died feet away separated by long years
Granny visits in dreams and Pops stays in memories
I am their smiling continuation

They died feet away separated by long years
I have seen death’s ugly truth in loved one’s faces
I hold their smiles in my smiles and their life in mine
This is the legacy of the Welch family line

I have seen death’s ugly truth in loved one’s faces
Clouds parted, momma said, to let Pops in
I was a boy when I first learned my part in the family
I came to know many scars from death through the years

Clouds parted, momma said, to let Pops in
When Granny died I carried her coffin looking at parting clouds
I was a man then, wearing the pain of death’s too often visit
How much can change on so little a plot of land?

Saturday, October 27, 2012

What's It Worth?


Each person is a possibility
A story waiting to be told
We are all a light bulb
Waiting to burn bold
To shine back that brilliant darkness
That would tempt us to sleep
We are instead so much more
Than counting sheep
We are the story the gods share with each other
The fire they hunger to know once more
We are the second coming and golden chance
Remember this when those hateful eyes fix on you
When you’re sad and even blue
Remember this
This story is the story of us, and the story of you
Seven billion or so call this wobbly place home
Seven billion chances at world peace and harmony
Seven billion chances to get it right
Imagine if we put down the weapon and stopped the fight
What could be, what would be, what even
Should be
If instead of spewing hate and damnation
We together build one giant human nation
Where instead of saying hate you
We said something bigger
Love you
Something better
Have faith in you
Something bolder
This could be our story
Should be our story
It could even be our biggest glory
To live together, stewards of the earth
From us all, we to love give birth
What’s it worth?

Friday, October 26, 2012

Into the Orange Ember City Lights


Into the Orange Ember Lights

I can’t sleep
No matter how many sheep
My heart is a raw nerve
With each thrumming beat
I want to go outside
Take my feet
Hit the street
I want to run away
Sink into the nothingness
I want to melt into those orange ember city lights
I want to grow wings
Take flight
I want to run away
Pain be gone
Turn to old news
Yesterday lose your sway
I want to feel free
Be free
But I’m a mime in a box
My screams can’t even hit the ceiling
My paper thin love gone from all the peeling
I’m beating at the walls but no one is coming
My heart is in a free fall
I’m hurting and aching
My soul plummeting
Loved her but was mistaken
I guess that’s so, I don’t know
I’m just hurting
She’s probably smiling
As this cut in my heart keeps on squirting
And all this pain keeps on piling
To the midnight street I take my beat
With two pairs of shoes to hide my feet
I the secret path seek
Escaping into the nothing
Melting into the orange ember lights
In the city façade
I whisper my midnight plights

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Into Hades


The old man rowed the boat with a bone weary persistence, but hadn’t said a word. The traveler had ridden in the boat for what felt to be ages already, and grew tired of the ceaseless, repetitive sounds of silence. The traveler felt emboldened by his boredom, and with the fire for companionship, he persisted once more.
“Is it as bad as they say?” the young traveler asked the boatman.
The boatman rowed for answer.
The traveler looked about, his neck tucked in tight to the thick wool cloak he wore about him, the cold threatening to steal the very life from him. He peered as far as the eye could see, but the night like sky of the deep cavern was thick and unyielding. Worse, there was a heavy fog all about them, and the stench of something rotten was growing stronger. He leaned over and gazed at the water. It was no better.
“How deep does the water go?” the traveler asked.
The boatman turned his head, his neck creaking like an old door that hadn’t been opened in many years. His face came into full view of the traveler, an unlikely sight to anyone living for a long and countless many years. The traveler regretted his nervous queries looking into that pale corpse ugly face, lips pulled back exposing full teeth, eyes hollowed out showing dark endless rings about twin orbs of eyes with no hint of pupils end and eye’s beginning.
The traveler looked down into the boat. He bit his lips and willed himself to say no more. The sound of water sloshed about the tiny vessel, the vice like grip of their desperate situation choked in on him. He felt suddenly overcome with claustrophobia, wishing he could leave the boat, wishing he could go back, wishing this evil fate had found another.
And then a new sound came to his ears, an ugly sound, like dry leaves in late October, rustling about on cobblestone just before being smashed under heavy feet. It was the dry sandy sound of the boatman laughing, “Have no wish for answers do you?”
The traveler didn’t want to raise his head, but was more terrified of refusing the lord of the boat. He looked up, and without looking square on, fearful of being sucked into the eternal gaze of the boatman, he looked away just slightly. Then he asked, “How do you mean?”
“All these questions, and yet you won’t even look the one who has your answers in the eye,” the boatman said. He shifted his gaze down toward the travelers hands, “Rub them together anymore and you’ll catch yourself afire.”
The traveler looked at his hands and realized how red they’d become. He pushed them away from each other and forced them to his sides. He licked his lips a few times and felt the sticky dry reality of his fear, and then he spoke, “Is it as bad as they say?”
“Worse,” said the boatman, turning to look into whatever ugly thing lay before them. “They say beyond my border there are lands of fire that never cease, and mountains of ice that never melt. They say there are masters worse than the ancient demons and dogs of unending—unyielding—rage and appetite. And cities with no law but murder, and chaos.”
The traveler licked his lips again.
“But that isn’t what you really wish to know is it?” the boatman asked.
“No,” the traveler said.
“You want to know if it’s possible, what you do, if it’s e’er been done?”
“Aye,” the traveler said. “Has it, sir?”
“Ne’er on my watch. Fools have tried, but none have come back. Not from there. They say a man foolish enough to enter is damned from birth, cursed with the headstrong pride of ill belief and hope. Wise men know their limits, know their bounds.”
The traveler gazed into the ugly darkness beyond their one lone torch. A soft sound came upon an unsure breeze, at first it sounded like a song, but as they grew closer the sound grew into an ugly distinct thing. “What is that?”
The boatman’s laugh came back over the boat like a low cloud just before a storm. Then he said, in a hushed whisper, “That is the land of the dead ye hear boy, the howls of the damned, the forgotten, the desperate fools who paid no heed in life. That is the sound of your own future.”

A Journey to Starting Over

He is the tossing and turning, trying to sleep, 
The blankets kicked 
The pillows pulled tight, 
The sweat upon the brow 
The hollow sound of an empty heartbeat

He is the laughing mask,
The smiling face with frowning eyes
The well practiced joke never shared

He is the guy watching TV alone,
The checking of the blinking command of every txt message,
The hungry hope for contact
The deathly silence of an empty apartment

He is the table with one empty chair seldom used except by the mail,
The meal for two eaten only by one,
The refrigerator filled with leftovers destined to be tossed out
The unwanted last bites of an otherwise good dinner
The sour smell of a greasy meal still thick in the air

He is the buzzing of the bathroom light,
The sound of scrubbing teeth, and shower water running
The quiet planning of the day ahead
The face in the mirror once recognized, now looking back, a stranger
The smiling face with frowning eyes

He is the nice guy everyone likes but no one really knows
The easy going friendly one, active and talking and yet still and silent,
The voice of hunger,
The face of thirst,
The hand outstretched,
The broken seat in the crowded room,

He is the conversation soon forgotten,
The vanishing puff of breath,
The soon to fade memory
The ghost in waiting
The haunting as he has been haunted

He is the only friend to loneliness
The only one to understand desolation
The giver of tears
The embracer of sorrow
The endless night wearing a mask of calm
The abandoned lover
The forgotten friend

He is the face of all those who were two but now are only one
The body of all those who share in the communion of exile
The slow drip of a leaky faucet
The long silence when all the water has ran out
The face of being left behind

He is the loneliness and the loneliness was me
The one I had to be in order to see
The guy I had to pass through
The ugly body of pain
The painful path
The rainy part of a journey to starting over

Saturday, September 15, 2012

The Heart is a House Ever Changing

The heart is a house we are always building and tearing down, it has so many halls and rooms and libraries of all we have in memory and experience, and in some dark parts, we hold within our hearts the ugly shade of a lonely tomb.

I take the hammer and crowbar into the room marked with an "E" and close the door silent behind me.

I pause to consider the many things that have been felt, experienced, housed and done in this one grand room. Most of my work, she has already done for me.

To the untouched wall I begin to tear, to rip, to let it all fall. The undoing of a room, the moving forward, cleaning up, taking the books out to storage, the bed marked love, sagging in the middle, stained with tears unused for so long, to the trash pile where now it truly belong.

Soon the room will be empty, clean, clear and someone else will reside here. I take the "E" from off the door, consider it a while, but no more.

The heart is a house ever changing...

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Dealing with a Loss

What good is a life without a little pain?
Or sunny days without some rain?

I just heard the news you were gone, passed away, slipped into the beyond.
I'm hurt, hurting, lost, sad

Too many funerals for someone my age, too many tombstones in my life, their weight is such a damning painful strife

I'll come visit you soon, I'm so sorry you slipped away, like everyone else who has ever lost someone, just one more day

I'd have gotten that letter in the mail, written, sent, done instead of wasted my only chance to tell you, you were family despite the difference of our blood

We shared so many memories, halloweens as a boy with the homemade candy, the badge from your late husband you passed on to me, the night you were robbed and i learned what a community was, each memory a poem to your life and a sorry to see you go

Rest in peace is such a heavy thing to say, it's not enough really, it's so small, but what is there left? In the end, the dark shade will take us all, in the end, there is only death

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

These Are Our Faces

These are our faces
Our places
Our time
And our memories
These are our
Remember mes.
Do not let us fade
Or turn to shade
Do not let us turn to dust
Or rot
Or rust
But keep us close
Your guiding ghost
Your guardsmen at the post
Do not forget
To forgive
Our lust for life
Our pain
And our strife
We are your fathers proud
And mothers glad
Happy reminders
Of times good
And bad
We are your kinsmen many
And clan few
We are the ones who
Made you
And through our living
Sang a song
Of your life coming along
We are the distant past
And your boats sturdy mast
Guiding you on to be us
To generations not yet come
Their strength
Mighty and strong
Until the job is done

Monday, September 10, 2012

Neither Heaven nor Hell


Neither Heaven nor Hell
Could ever hope
To free me from
This ugly cell
Where now I dwell
In the dark quietude
Of all I once held
Neither Heaven nor Hell
Could ever hope
To punish or free
Neither prevail
Against this heart break
Nor assail upon my gentle mind
Weak and weary
The pain, the sorrow, the woe
My soul to grind
Neither Heaven nor Hell
Could ever tell
A sadder truth or beckoning song
Than this my aching tooth ache
Within my middle
Where once a heart
Did belong
Neither Heaven nor Hell

Sunday, September 9, 2012

The Cowboy

The cowboy knows no pain
He just rides that horse
Through winter snow, and summer rain
He rides in dust and flood
The wild of the west thick in his blood
He takes his sorrow on the chin and rides out time and again
Strength in his will
Power in his gun
Both his flesh and soul are bleached by the endless desert sun
Pale white like the ghost he is
Riding through every high and low dusty ridge
Six shooter by his side
All yonder cowboy knows
Is to ride that horse, to ride and ride
The cowboy knows no pain
Though his soul is a sad and sorrowful stain
His eyes tell truth where his silence would lie
He just knows to ride and ride until the day he die

The Graveyard in My Soul


I take a single white rose
To the graveyard in my soul
Where all her memories are buried
Dead but not forgotten
All this pain and misery she has brought
I push them aside, and look forward
To the graves littered about
I open my mouth to give a shout
But out comes only a whisper
Do you hear me?
Do you care?
The rose falls to the ground
I mean to turn my back, to turn around
But I stand statue still
Letting the truth sink in, letting it be real
The graveyard in my soul
Burns, hurts, bites, grabs, won’t let go
I look across its bone ridden mass
I curse and spit and flip the bird to my past
And then I wake from my nightmare, I turn, I walk away
Today is a new day
But no matter how far I go
There remains a graveyard in my soul

What is Love?


What is love?
I know not, I know not
I know only the pain it has brought
And the joy
In the moments between the pain
The joy
The smiling face and angel eyes
The happy laughter
And in love making
The sweetest song of bedroom sighs
I have tasted deep this thing called love
And have felt its hellish flame
Whether it be a heaven thing
Or a nightmare wasteland
I know not, I…I simply know not
I have loved
I have
But it has been taken from me
In her parting my company
And now my cracked heart
The bleeding is starting
And some gentle hand I long for
Soothe me
Heal me
With some kinder Love’s healing salve
Won’t you?
Where are you?
Come my dear and love me
Back to life
Take from me
This jagged pain, this loveless knife
Ran deep in between my ribs, piercing my heart
Oh dear heavens ever watchful
And blistering hell, always hungry
Now, the blood, the bleeding out,
My life was only at the start
And from me, she as cold as cold can be, has taken
And from one love to another love, and onward still, I must depart
I am not my pain
I am more
I am love waiting
On some distant shore
Waiting for new love
Waiting for love and more

Unending Night of Cold and Loneliness


I am the tossing and turning, trying to sleep, the blankets kicked and pillows pulled tight, the sweat upon the brow and longing ache of a lonely heart.
Unending.
I am the smiling face, with frowning eyes, their window open upon a brutal scene of empty rooms with scattered pictures, a soul house filled but vacant and abandoned.
Night.
I am the watching TV alone, checking the blinking command of every txt message, comment on facebook waiting to be read, picture uploaded waiting to be seen, the tweet on twitter waiting to be retweeted, the post on google waiting to be liked, search engines reach out with your crawlers and find me.

Cold.

I am the table with one empty chair, seldom used except by the mail, cooking meals too big for one, the face in the mirror, the bare places on the wall, the hollow sound in the open space, the single seat on the front porch, the slow motion gazer upon the fast moving cars.

Loneliness.


I am the laughing mask, the easy going friendly one, active and talking and yet still and silent, the voice of hunger, the face of thirst, the hand outstretched, the empty seat in the crowded room, the conversation soon forgotten, the vanishing puff of breath, the soon to fade memory.

This Rainy Evening


Two bodies covering each other, competing to be the others blanket against the cool rainy evening
All that seperates their intimate world from worlds beyond is one screen door shut loosely against the evening
And beyond that, the silky sound of rain upon rain upon grass and ground
Their song of bodies uniting but one more song upon the summer's evening
Quietly, these bodies and worlds go on competing
Heaving and seeking as only lovers may, a fire all their own to build with not so much as flesh and friction and moaning sighs
Their bodies heaving, heaving, in this the intimate competition
But one more song upon this rainy evening

This Too Shall Pass

We seldom remember the beginning of any storm
Those first few drops of rain so inconsequential, the whispering sound of their community falling and gathering all around
Nor does the water ever seem too high or strong or dangerous
Until it is
On the day my Uncle was found dead just such a storm had been building all around my family and I
Each drop piling high, singing the creek out behind the house into a rage
Until finally the water could hold back no more and all its chocolate milk fury came at us with a thunder and command befitting the gods of long before
We were overcome
This was the day I watched the road buckle and like a blister, popped and exploded its tar memory into the all consuming water
And the day I watched my car get filled mere feet beyond my reach
And above all, the day my uncle, homeless and undesired, found dead in a Colorado street.
Momma wailed, not cried, and the water no matter how loud couldn't drown her out
First she thought she was losing the house and then she found out she had lost her brother
Was there no good left to God?
My mother and father stacked their valuables as high as they could, hoping the water’s reach would not compete
And all the while I thought of Bay Saint Louis down in Mississippi where I had dug just such valuables out of strangers homes
Mad Lady Katrina had a higher reach than any shelf or even roof
But I stacked my stuff too and let my family hold to their belief
We were trapped
The water was all around, there seemed no hope, out back a river, out front a river, all around the rain gathered their community and sang deaths ugly tune
Dad and I ventured out, we had only one chance, “how high is the water papa?”, old man Cash once sang
Too damn high
Momma had a distant look on her face, her brother’s death had stained her soul, and the water that should wash away dirt was instead carrying it and threatening to stain her even more
Dad gave me an ax and a look I'll never forget
We started chopping down the fence he had built some summers ago, and somewhere between the swings, I had become a man to my father and an equal
And somewhere between the swings, I asked God why and even prayed, and all the while I thought of what I'd done to help others
I had done more than watched, I went down to dig out the buried lives of those drowned poor souls of the south
When Katrina tried our nation, and found us wanting, hadn't I gone? Hadn't I done something more than most?
And somewhere in the swinging the rain slowed and the waters went down
We seldom remember when the storm comes and seldom see it's recline but no truer joy had I felt than when the creek of my childhood had lost its bite
And left me with its gritty hard lesson
There will always be rain and floods but we can weather any storm if we pick up the ax
And no better boat than the family that rows together
Like all great rushing waters, and floods, and all storms along life’s way, the waters shall run their course and in due time, this too shall pass